Dear Mr. Freud

Why am i always insecure and defensive when it comes to writing? Just yesterday someone asked me what i am doing right now and i answered rather jokingly that i am writing a book. I used phrases like "well, i try to..", "a book, yes, i know it sounds stupid" and worse to play it down. Why am i doing this? Is there a reaction any other than a pityful smile to be expected? I am the worst sales-person ever!

It's all me, i am the one who self-deprecates my project. What is wrong with me I'm asking you? Am I so afraid of failing that i'm self-sabotaging before finding out if there's a real chance for my story?

I have to get over it, because it's just plain stupid. I am writing a book!

Names

How about that? I know i share this problem with many other writers: how to name my characters. For the time being they are called z y x etc in order of appearance, but it isn't a real solution. Ok, maybe i'll just add letters to it... like Zed, Yendar and Xia. Oh boy, you readers really shouldn't have to witness this randomness, so you better cover your eyes... it's ugly!

Just looks

Today i am full of questions, maybe that's a good thing, maybe the route to success is full of unanswered questions.. god, i do hope so!

The question may seem shallow but i think it is of more importance than it may sound:
Does the female protagonist need to be beautiful or can a character afford to be mediocre looking when her character is likeable? Should you let the readers know at all how anyone looks? Are they offended when the author describes the character in some way other than they imagined?

Now, in movies the most beautiful people often aren't the ones you fall in love with. Being not ugly surely does help but most of the times attractiveness doesn't mean a thing when the character in itself is flat.

Maybe there's a way out of the crisis. When creating a character for a story, being pretty doesn't hurt if the character herself is self-conscious about her appearance. People can identify with that, don't they? Being more critical about oneself than necessary seems to be a common thing.

But there's a fine line between "she's pretty but has low self esteem" and "she's pretty and fishes for compliments". At least i don't know how to create either of these traits. Plus the first one may not appear as logical to the reader. Maybe the protagonist needs some sort of impairment to convince the reader that she really doesn't think of herself as beautiful. After all, it's a question of credibility. An eating disorder seems to be the obvious choice but what about social anxiety? Too much of a cliche?

Good people!

Question: Do you need good versus evil to make a story work?

My protagonist, a thirty-something female, is ought to be likeable, her opponent (can't tell you too much atm) is a mysterious guy whose motives you don't really know. But he has a plan. The narrator doesn't know it yet. Me neither.

I want to create characters that are three-dimensional and don't have just one characteristic. I always hate it when they do. When a character is just evil or good it is boring! You want them to create and dissolve moral dilemmas, want to watch them fall and rise up again. So i reckon, for a character to be interesting it can't be good nor evil, but it needs to be challenged at every corner and the decisions may vary depending on the overall-agenda. Yes, put them through hell! If Jack Bauer was real he'd need a lifetime of therapy, poor guy.

Speaking of Bauer, unfortunately in his case it becomes predictable very quickly what he is willing to do in the name of his loved ones. That's the only moral challenge there ever is. Ok, so he will bend the rules for his daughter...now, what's for dinner? Big yawn! Doing good in the name of evil would be that much more interesting instead of the other way around :)

Hello there

I decided today that all the whining and complaining has to stop if i want to succeed in writing a bestseller. I have to be confident, that's why i had the idea in the first place! Didn't I? STOP IT! No more doubts, no more pessimism. I can do this for real!

Thoughts about stuff

There's one thing more i am concerned about and this has something to do with the problem i told you about in my last post. The fantasy-fans are a picky crowd and they want their books to have several hundred pages, otherwise they won't even pick it up.

I can emphasize with that since i myself enjoy being drawn into a world and being able to stay there for more than an hour. And we seem to be getting used to the concept of staying somewhere else than the real world forever and ever. Virtuality is 'round the corner! People like never ending series of books, tv series as well as MMOs. They don't want to leave the world they like! They want to know everything about the characters, their motives and so on. Therefore I think it's very important as a writer to think about a sequel while you are writing the book.

I 'll try to give my story the necessary room to evolve. Don't be too enthusiastic, i said i would try. Knowing about these things doesn't necessarily mean that i will do it right. I am scared as hell.

Gay wizards

Ok. So... writing is hard, i get it! But i wonder how the other writers, the real writers do it, how they stay focused and write several pages a day. The problem with my book is that i don't know how to continue my storyline at the moment and i'm not sure about the ending just yet. So.. yes i could write several pages a day, i sometimes do, but oftentimes there's no real point in doing so. I am stalling and the reader will smell it!

But the thing is.. i don't wanna become one of those writers whose stalling becomes part of the book description. I want the main threads to fit together nicely before i think up the boring stuff to fill in the gaps.

How do i do that?

That's the spirit

I can't write plus i am a boring human being.

Firstly i wanna say that today i feel like yesterday's doings seem to be ridiculous. What am i doing? I can't write a novel. I am boring as hell. Seriously don't expect me to be fascinating. I welcome you to imagine me being an active personality who is somewhat engaged in stuff with a positive attitude and a sunny spirit. Today I am not. Am i ever? Too bad, all you twitter-people. Ate a pizza. Need to poop.

It's a kind of magic

Fantasy is a great genre for writing stories. Many writers have a clear understanding of what a typical fantasy setting has to be like. There are wizards and all sorts of fantastic creatures roaming around doing something to save someone usually utualising magic.

Now magic, that is the key to all fantasy. Why use a firearm when you can throw fireballs. Way cooler, isn't it? Usually wizards are calm and souvereign, highly charismatic creatures who do know how to use their power wisely, but then the bad wizard-guy comes along, abuses his power and everything goes to hell until someone saves the day.

Now i am fine with stereotypes as long as they are somewhat believable and there is at least one ounce of reason behind the universe the writer in question created.

Sometimes though i fear the genre has reached its peak. All its ressources seem depleated. I think what fantasy needs is a fresh approach. You don't even have to invent new sorts of creatures to do so, but please, i beg of you, do something about the magic. Now is it just me or are there others who are deeply unsatisfied with some protagonists in novels just having the power to do extraordinary things while others just don't. And if you do the whole Harry Potter pure descent thing at least explain to me why there are genetics involved. It is genetics, isn't it? For heaven's sake, let it be a disease or something. But please don't just give the generic "he/she's just special" answer. I am sick of that.

As you can see i am angry. Maybe this is part of the whole idea i have in mind. I don't want fantasy to die, but to survive it desperately needs an injection. I am not saying that i am the one who will do this successfully. You definitely need practice before you hit the right vein.

I have a proposal and this is what i am trying to do here. Bring some science into the game and let the reader know that i wasn't just unable to come up with some logic behind the craziness that happens, but try to give it some meat.

Fantasy needs logic and reason as well as magic and mysticism. Now i am not smart enough to write a sci-fi novel but i will try to bring some science into fantasy. I can imagine it will do wonderous things for its advance.

Not worth a title

There is a joke I despise so much i have to share it with somebody:


"What are the ingredients to write a bestseller?" the first person asks.

"I don't know" the other one responds.

"abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz"

The art of writing

I am trying to write a bestseller. Now don't get me wrong i am a deeply humble person. The reason why i am referring to my book as a bestseller is because i am writing to make a living out of it. I want it to be popular. Critics don't have to like it as long as it sells. People do have to buy and like it though. But i don't do it for the fame, because i am not sure my fragile self will withstand the pressure of being praised as a great writer when i am obviously not. I am a bad writer. I don't even have the basic tools to write. But i still want to! A for effort!

This is what i want to do: i want to create a story that is well-written and full of good ideas. I have lots of ideas, but i don't know anything about writing them. I will try to write in a way that shamelessly copies my idols yet sounds smart and original.

Speaking of idols, i realize you don't know anything about them yet. So here they are, my most favourite writers in no particular order:

Philip Pullman
Ursula K. LeGuin
J.R.R. Tolkien
Piers Anthony
Lois McMaster Bujold
Friedrich Dürrenmatt
Patricia Highsmith
Paul Auster
Umberto Eco
Douglas Adams
Isaac Asimov
Erich Kästner
Jane Austen

Here are the writers i admire:
Trudi Canavan for getting rich
J.K. Rowling for getting even richer

What the hell am i doing?

I should have mentioned this earlier... i am german. Now there is no reason for applause just yet. I am a german writing a novel in english. Clearly i am insane for doing this.

For several years now i have gotten used to reading books, listening to audiobooks and watching movies in english. My husband originally introduced me to the joy of experiencing a story in its original form. I don't like the german dubbing in movies, that's how i got converted. I am a better person for it, i'm telling you!! :)

But seriously, I feel that oftentimes the enthusiasm as well as the acting skills lack to interpret the story in the way it was intended when dubbed or translated.

It didn't stop with movies. Nearly everything that i consume informationwise is in english. I like english audiobooks as well as television. Well, mostly it is US-Stuff that i am watching on the internet. I listen to classic loveline (with Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew) everytime i am doing the dishes and in the evenings i enjoy seeing bits and pieces of documentaries, late shows, v-logs, TED-speeches and sometimes even casting-shows. This has gotten as far as not watching german television anymore. Or at least only in times of desperation. But worse. My husband and I have developed a nasty habit of speaking a strange double-language when talking to people. There are oftentimes english words mixed into german sentences and vice versa. I watch myself struggling with finding german words. Yes, this is somewhat excentric, especially when talking to our 60 years old neighbours who may or may not have heard that other languages exist outside the german borders. Now this funny language tourette isn't what i thought a bilingual person would be like.

Surely, i am an excellent recipient when it comes to my second language. I understand english perfectly, even strange accents don't throw me off anymore. BUT. As i discovered, i am not as good a writer and speaker as i am a listener. This really annoys me. When i talk to my friend from Britain in english i sound drunk. It is clear to everybody that i am a german trying to speak english, trying to emphasize words in the right way. My mind knows how to speak the words correctly but my mouth muscles clearly have no idea what's going on. This is so annoying. I hope my writing will get better over time, otherwise i'm screwed.

First steps

So this is the deal: i am turning 30 this year and i am unsuccessful in doing stuff other people do to make money. I have never made real money.

Firstly i studied something which is really bad for making money. It is called psycholinguistics and most people have never heard that such a subject even exists. I tried to study law but i failed miserably.

When i changed my major to psycholinguistics i realized one thing, and that is that i am not a suit. But luckily at the University of Munich, there's something for everyone, even for those people who don't know what to do and just need a place to be left alone figuring it out.


I didn't do much to pass the tests but i did. And i realized another thing while being around other students: i am not an artsy- kind of girl either. Oh dear, i should better getting used to saying woman since the 30 is hanging over my head...

So what am i then? Almost 30, M.A., married, one cat. I love computer games - and by that i don't mean the whole fashionable wii-thing that's going on. I am a hardcore gamer. Yes, ma'am.

As i made my way through all the genres i could get my hands on (shooters, MMOs, Jump and Run, Tacticals and RPGs i realized that i liked the latter most of all. And that's because there is story involved. Now i don't imply that other games don't have a story to tell, but usually they are of greater importance in RPGs. While i spent hours in front of the computer or the console i noticed that i wanted to experience the thrill of being in a world unlike the one i know, sinking into the mind of someone i could never be. If there's a good story somewhere to be told i want to experience it firsthand. But more than that. I want to create one myself.